Donny's Almenac

You been sittin' there watchin' Keith Carson on the TV with his fancy dopplah radahs, prayin' he's gonna tell ya if we're gettin' a good wintah. Well lemme save ya some time: them folks couldn't predict snow if they was standin' in the middle of a friggin' blizzahd.

Keith's uh nice guy n all, but the man spends so much time starin' at green screens he thinks snow comes from uh projectah.

That's why I created Donny's Alminac. Who's more qualified to talk about the weathah than me? Friggen nobody. My methods ah scientifically proven. Woolly beah caterpillar fuzz density analysis. Birch tree bark readings. What my left knee tells me aftah every nap.

So crack open a cold Moxie, grab uh red snappah, n let Maine's Finest Athlete give ya the only wintah forecast that actually mattahs.

Alright bub, there it is. The truth.

While Keith Carson and every othah “meteorologist” sits there in fancy studios arguin' about whether: El Niño, La Niña (I looked it up and all that means is “the boy" and "the girl" in Spanish), I'm out heah in the actual elements analyzin' REAL data. Atmospheric pressure, wind patterns comin' off the ocean, how the chickadees act at my bird feedah, all of it.

The bottom line? This wintah's gonna be absolutely bonkahs. Stock up on Moxie now. Tell yah boss you got a dentist appointment every Wednesdee in January. Mount up ya longest boards.

See ya on the mountain, bub.